Happy New Year in Heaven

It has been nearly seven months since God called you home. Some days it seems like a really long time ago, but most days it feels like it just happened yesterday. I can vividly see you lying so still in the grass as two men, strangers then, tried to keep you stable until the paramedics arrived. I remember the sound of the Aeromed chopper as it landed down the street and, minutes later, lifted off to transport you to the hospital. I remember the drive to the hospital that seemed to take forever. I remember the sights and smells of the trauma bay where numerous doctors and nurses were working so hard to save your life. I can't forget the bright hope we felt when the cardiac surgeon came and told us that they had fixed your heart, and only minutes later, the sheer terror we felt as the neurosurgeon told us that you would not survive. My heart aches as I remember how hurt you looked, and all the medicines and machines that were being used to keep you alive. I remember the moment we knew that we had to let you go, and the sense of peace I felt, peace that only God could provide. By God's grace, we were sure of where you were going and that is the only way we could let you go. I'll never forget how it felt to curl up next to you, and feel my heart shatter as I felt your heart beat for the last time. I'll never forget the helpless feeling of leaving you in that hospital room and going home, never to have you come bounding through the door again. I remember trying to sleep for a couple of hours before we had to wake up and tell your brothers and sister that you had gone to heaven. I'll never forget the unending support of our family & friends and our pastor & church family. I am amazed with the way that God used them to hold us up during the most difficult week of our lives. I'm standing now on the eve of a new year, the last day of 2015. My heart physically aches because this is the last year that you were alive. It hurts to think of beginning a new year without you. The hole that your death has left in our family continues to gape, and the days stretch long before me. I long to hear your voice, see your smile and feel your arms around my neck. I'm reluctant to leave behind the year in which I got to experience all these blessings for the last time. By God's grace alone, I have survived that last seven months. Not a moment goes by that I don't think of you. You are what I think of as soon as I wake up, and you are the last thought at night before I go to sleep. The longer you are gone, the more I miss you and the more precious you become to me. I didn't think I could love you more than I do today, but I do. I will never forget you, my precious son.

All my love forever,
Mommy