A Letter to Austin

Dear Austin,
It has been nearly seven weeks since God took you home to heaven. As others around me continue on with their normal lives, my life is at a standstill, and I don't think we will ever be "normal" again. There is a huge hole everywhere I look that used to have you in it. Your room sits closed and empty upstairs. I can hardly bear to go in it because you aren't there. Your clothes are still in a pile on the playroom floor, I haven't had the heart to move them yet. Your shoe shelf is still packed with your shoes, so still, and unmoving and so unlike you. Your place at the table is achingly empty, your sparkling eyes are gone. My heart hurts as every day I set only five places instead of six. Our pew in church feels empty with only five of us to fill it. I still can hardly believe that you are gone. I miss you. I miss your excitement for life, and the smile that never seemed to leave your face, and always lit up your eyes. You were such a loving and compassionate boy. You were always looking out for your siblings and for me and making sure that we were OK. I wish more than anything to see you one more time, to hold you and to run my fingers through your hair. To be able to feel your weight in my arms and to feel your arms around my neck in one of your hugs. I haven't stopped thinking of you since you went home. I know you are doing so much better than I could ever imagine. You are seeing Jesus face to face and you are perfect! It helps me to think of you that way. Eternally happy and not having to be worried or scared anymore. I hope you knew how very much I loved you. I hope you know how very much I still love you. I hope you could feel how much I loved you on the morning you went home. I was blessed to be able to hear you take your first breath eight and a half years ago, and I was blessed to be able to be with you as you breathed your last breath and ran into the arms of our loving Saviour. As hard as it is to have you gone and as hard as it was to watch you go early that morning, I am at peace that you are no longer hurting. I couldn't bear to see you looking so bruised and battered. I had to let you go to heaven so you could be OK and not hurt anymore. I am doing OK. Your brother Calvin looks and acts so much like you, that he helps me be OK. God's amazing grace has carried me through the darkness of losing you, and helped me see the light on the other side. The light is dim, but it's there. God promised he would help me, and I have every confidence that he will.
I love you forever my sweet boy!
Love,
Mommy

Bradyn is 11!!

Well, exactly 1 month ago, we celebrated Bradyn's 11th birthday. His special day fell on a Sunday this year, so aside from going to church, we didn't really do anything else special on his birthday. We had a roast, potatoes, veggies dinner for lunch (his favorite) and pepperoni stromboli for supper. I had made a cake for him with a Detroit Tiger's symbol on it, but we didn't actually enjoy it until Monday night after supper, because Russ and I had kids without the kids on Sunday night.

He isn't quite as fun to watch open presents, but he still enjoys receiving something special. He received and electronic basketball hoop for the playroom upstairs with two hoops and wireless scoring so he can play an actual game, and a metal cut out Tigers sign for his room. He loved them both. He also was able to purchase a new Tigers sweatshirt with money he received for his birthday.

We are so thankful that God has blessed us with such a loving and compassionate son. He is an amazing blessing! Although we have (and continue to have) our tough times with him, we know and are humbled that God chose US to be his parents. Please continue to pray for us as we seek to do what is best for him.

Gracie is Two!!

On Friday, March 13, we were able to celebrate Gracie's second birthday! We are floored by how fast these past two years went!! She is growing up so fast and amazes us everyday with the things she knows and picks up from her brothers.
Gracie loves balloons, so I blew up about 25 of them and put them on the floor of her room during her nap. She woke up, and was so surprised by all the balloons! Later that night we were able to have a party with just our family. We had tacos (her favorite) for supper, and a flower shaped cupcake cake. I don't think she fully understood it was her birthday, but she did enjoy it when we would sing to her.

She loved her cake! It was fun to watch her eyes light up when she saw the candles.

She also loved opening her gifts. She received a pink talking teapot (she loves pouring us some tea to drink) and a big basket of pink sand toys for the sandbox and beach this summer. She loved them both!

We are once again humbled that God has blessed us with this precious little girl for the past two years. She has brought much joy to our lives and we can't wait to see what God has in store for her in the years to come!

Bradyn's Broken Wrist

As most of you know, a few weeks ago, Bradyn broke his wrist while at an outing with BUILD group, the boys group from church. They were sledding at Charlie's Dump (the soccer bowl), and he thought it would be fun to go over a jump. His sled ended up turning backwards halfway down, so he went over the jump backwards and landed awkwardly on his wrist. He says he knew it was broken right away. I was running errends in Jenison, so I wasn't too far away when Keith called me. That was nice for Bradyn, because he was in quite a bit of pain. We dropped the rest of the kids off at my mom's and headed in to Metro Hospital's ER. While we were there they poked and prodded and took x-rays. I was rather surprised when they came in and said it was broken. I was expecting (at worst) a sprain. They put his arm in a splint all the way up and around his elbow, so that if more swelling occurred, there was room for it.

If you enlarge the picture you can see a darker area (the break) just below the growth plate on the bigger bone.

We left the ER a little while later with instructions to administer OTC meds as needed and to call an orthopedic surgeon for an appointment on what steps to take next. We were able to get in with an orthopedic surgeon that following Wednesday, where they put him in a cast that went only half way up his arm. This gave him much more freedom of movement and also was much lighter than the splint. It was also waterproof, so no more monkeying with a bag over his arm while showering. He decided on green for the color to match all the MSU clothes he's been wearing.

About a week and a half after getting the cast put on, it was starting to fall apart and the padding around his thumb and fingers was gone, causing it to be uncomfortable for him. We found some green duct tape at the dollar store to cover it for a while, but that started to fall off too. We decided to try to get a different cast put on. So, back to the orthopedic surgeon! They took more x-rays to determine whether they needed to put another hard cast on, or if they could graduate him to a brace. The x-rays showed that there was definitely some new bone growth, but you could also still see the break, so it was decided to put him in a new cast, and to extend the time period by two weeks. Now instead of getting it off on March 31, he will get it off on April 13, Lord willing. The new cast is a different kind, and much better in my opinion. This time he decided on bright orange, for the Detroit Tigers.

Taking the old cast off

Nice, new, clean cast

All in all he is doing well with it. Now that he is in a hard cast, he has been able to write some with his right hand. Though it takes him a bit longer, and isn't quite as neat as before, it is legible, so that is a big relief for him. The big question for him is how many of his little league games he is going to have to miss. We just received an email from his coach, saying that he wants to have a couple of practices during spring break. Bradyn wants to attend these, so he can be in on what is going on. Hopefully we can get some exercises for him to do, to strengthen his arm once the cast comes off. He has expressed along with his disappointment, that he knows this was God's will for him, so for that we are thankful!

Grace

After church in the evening on December 7, we were able to enjoy a concert by our church choir. One of the songs they sang was a sort of prayer. It brought tears to my eyes, I'm going to include the lyrics here for you all to enjoy as well. It is simply called "Grace"

Grace

Lord, as I seek Thy guidance for the day, I find my thoughts unyielding, confusion crowds my way;
but then when I bow to Thee, through challenges Thou guidest me, Thy promises are ever new, I claim them for today.

Thy will cannot lead me where Thy grace will not keep me,
Thy hand will protect me. I rest in Thy care.
Thy eyes will watch over me, Thy love will forgive me,
And when I am faltering, I still will find Thee there.

Each new day's design is charted by Thy hand, and graciously revealed as I seek Thy master plan.
Keep my steps faithful when from thee I go. Return me to the joy that Thy blessings can bestow.

Thy will cannot lead me where Thy grace will not keep me,
Thy hand will protect me. I rest in Thy care.
Thy eyes will watch over me, Thy love will forgive me,
And when I am faltering, I still will find Thee there.

Back at it (hopefully)

Well, I did it again. After promising myself I'd keep up with the ol' blog, I didn't, and now many things have happened. I'm not even going to try to go back and post on everything that has happened in the last 9 months so we'll just pick up right here with what's happening right now.

Saturday was an interesting day here at the Lotterman house. It started like any other Saturday....kids getting up early, mom and dad taking advantage of the opportunity to sleep in for once. After breakfast Russ was doing some work outside, and had to venture into the basement for something. Those of you who have been in our basement know that if you're more than 5 foot tall, you have to stoop the entire time you're down there or you'll knock your head on the pipes and heat ducts that are hanging from the ceiling. Russ was in a bit of a hurry, and miscalculated where the corner of the heat duct was, and stood up right into it. I was in the house and Austin came running in saying "dad cracked his head open!!" My brain immediately pictured him laying on the cement floor in the garage unconscious. Thankfully this was not the case!! It turns out, he just took a chunk of skin (and hair) out of the top of his head. Head wounds bleed like crazy if you didn't know that.

After a phone call to my mom, we took the kids there and headed to Spectrum West pavilion. After a two hour wait, we finally got into a room. Thankfully Russ was not in a lot of pain, just kind of frustrated at wasting his Saturday. He had a good time joking around with the doctor as he got stitched up. The wound was quite an abnormal shape, so he had to put in 1 stitch and then was able to pull it together with 4 staples.

***DISCLAIMER*** I'm posting these pictures of the wound because I thought it was interesting to watch. This is fair warning to those of you who are squeamish with blood.***


All stitched up (but not yet cleaned up)

Life

Hmmmm. I have to see if I can remember how to do this. It's been QUITE a long time since I've even thought to come on here. We have had a lot of changes in our life over the last 7 months or so. Looking back on it, it seems much like a whirlwind. I'll try to bring you up to date somewhat chronologically, but that may be a little difficult. I think I left you last right after we moved into our barn, and began tearing our house apart. Russ and I spent many late nights with hammer and pick in hand, chipping away at the interior of our house. We (with the help of many others) spent every Saturday working there too. We are so very thankful for all the help we have received on this project. We truly couldn't have completed it without our family.

A couple of weeks after moving into the barn, we packed up and "moved" again. We headed up north to the Pine Bluff Resort to spend a week of togetherness with the Lotterman family. After a visit to Mackinaw City to stock up on yummy fudge for the week, we arrived at our destination in the late afternoon. Much fun was had together. We kept quite busy in the indoor and outdoor pools, playing many games of kickball with cousins and uncles, watching the Tigers and playing games in the game room, going for walks at dusk, sitting around the campfire, dodging hungry mosquitoes, taking day trips to Tahquamanon Falls, Pictured Rocks and beautiful waterfalls, having church together in a cabin, kayaking, cruising around the lake on the pontoon, and generally making wonderful memories. I'm sure I've missed a few things, but all in all we had a wonderful trip and were a bit sad to head home the following Saturday.

Tahquamenon Falls

Hannah and Calvin

Russ and Calvin taking a much needed nap.

After about a week at home we "moved" again. This time it was to the basement of Dad and Mom Lotterman's condo. The only room left intact in our house (the bathroom) was finally being torn apart so we couldn't stay home anymore. Russ and I and Calvin and Gracie slept in the bedroom, while the boys sacked out in the family room. It was nice to have a real kitchen to work in again, and to not have to walk across our backyard whenever we had to use the bathroom. Russ enjoyed his stay because there was always ice cream in the freezer (something we rarely have at home). After about 3 weeks at Dad and Mom's we were able to move back home again, after the plumber reinstalled the toilet in our new bathroom. This time back home, we settled into more of a routine and were able to have a somewhat "normal" life again without having to pack up and move every few weeks.

Bradyn and Austin eating breakfast before school

Gracie tried to crawl and ended up going backwards and getting "stuck" under Dad and Mom's couch. We found her like this all the time.

we celebrated Calvin's birthday while at dad and mom's

During the first week of October, Russ went to Iowa for 5 days to work on a friend's house through Tru-Built. I'm not going to say it was easy or fun staying in the barn for 5 days by myself with the kids, and there were a few days where I cried all day, but we made it, and were so excited that Russ was able to fly home on Saturday evening. We were so very thankful that he did not have to stay longer than that. We were also so thankful for the work bee that was organized for the Saturday Russ was gone, where a bunch of siblings and a few of my uncles came and were able to get a lot of the drywall hung for us.

The kiddos paused for a picture on our new steps

Lowering the upstairs floor

A newly dry walled hallway. The doorway at the end is Calvin and Gracie's room. The sheet is the temporary door to the bathroom.

Looking towards the back of the house in the new playroom.

Looking towards the front of the house, into Bradyn and Austin's rooms, in the playroom.

About a week later, God provided us with a way to rent an apartment through my uncle who works at Innotech in Zeeland. We gratefully grabbed this opportunity, as it was getting rather difficult to stay warm in the barn and trailer, even with two space heaters running all the time. On Saturday, October 19, we packed up yet again, and moved into an apartment on the backside of the Colonial Clock Building in Zeeland. After that ensued the whirlwind that made up our lives for the next 6 and a half weeks. I would go work at the house for as much of the day as I could, painting, staining and doing whatever needed to be done, and Russ would come there from work, we would have supper and I would stay until it was time to go back to the apartment to put the kids to bed. Russ would come home later, usually around midnight or so, and we would collapse into bed, only to do it all over again the next day. Sundays were even more welcomed, as we were able to really rest from our labors of the week. We are so thankful to God that we were able to finish what we had to so we could finally move back in to our home on December 4. With the help of Dad and Mom Lotterman and Heidi, we packed up the apartment and loaded our stuff into three vehicles and headed back home.

The "cool" spiral staircase in our apartment

Gracie learned how to stand by the stairs

Our first snow fell while we lived at the apartment...the boys built a snowman outside

Calvin fell down the spiral stairs and had to have four staples in the back of his head. Thankfully, he was not hurt any worse.

We celebrated Austin's 7th birthday in the midst of our painting and staining. Notice his cake is setting on the trim waiting to be stained

The newly carpeted playroom

Looking down the stairway

The living room

Since then, things have slowed down considerably. We were able to decorate a bit for Christmas, the kids were happy that we were able to put up our tree.

Looking towards the living room from the kitchen. The boys eating lunch at the bar. Yes, Calvin is still in his jammies, this is how some of our days go.....

We still have a few odds and ends to complete.....wood on the living room ceiling, building the bookcases by the hallway, finishing some trim and baseboard in the kitchen and laundry room, and building shelves in the storage room. All in all though, we are settled in quite nicely, staying nice and toasty warm in our newly insulated house and currently right smack in the middle of a busy tax season. Looking back we can see God's hand in all that we have been through. There were many ups and downs, (seemingly more downs) but God was with us through it all, and brought us through on the other side so much stronger than before. We are so very thankful to all you who helped us, and continue to help us, but above all we are thankful to our faithful heavenly Father who keeps His promise to never leave us or forsake us.